Topic: Anasexual/Grey

There's a concept very few people seem to have heard of. It's closely related to sex addiction, but it's the opposite. It's called "Sexual Anorexia." A true sex addict is a serial sexual predator, because (in many cases) they are incapable of finding a satisfying romantic connection with others. With sexual anorexia, there is not only the inability to develop these intimate connections, but they also don't even attempt to try.

Unlike many forms of Asexuality, somebody with sexual anorexia has a normal or possibly higher sex drive compared with a "normal" person. However, with absolutely zero desire (in some cases (in MY case,  e.g.)) for any sort of attachment. Thus, where the sex addict will try to satisfy their desires with very brief sexual-romantic relationships with another person. Sexual anorexics satisfy their very active sex drive with pornography--which involves no actual personal contact--exotic dancers, who are basically "hands-off", unless they purchase a lap-dance or similar, in which case there is some erotic physical contact, even if no  actual sex, and certainly no romantic link. The third way a sexual anorexic utilizes is hiring prostitutes. In this way, the SA actually has the full-blown physical sexual relationship, but there's no expectation of emotional connection. Many (or most) prostitutes don't allow kissing because it's too personal. With a prostitute, the SAA can get sexual relief from the prostitute, gain satisfaction, then have the sex provider leave without having to cuddle or anything else personal. Sex, payment, "bye," Netflix.

I have been sexually active for much of my adult life, but I have not had more than one or two "intimate relationships," and I sabotaged both of them within a month. So whither sex? The most sexual activity I had was when I was an alcoholic. I'd close down the  bar, and there would be an equally drunk woman in the bar, and lo and behold, we ended up having sex, quite frequently in one of our cars or in a relatively public location (a park after 2am is pretty safe, depending on where you live). This way, there's not only the complete lack of a "romantic spark," but the desire to avoid sharing even what their home looks like, much less creating a situation wherein the co-participant would be in a position to spend the night. "Thanks. That was fun. I'll drive you back to your car. See you around."

Since being diagnosed with sexual anorexia, I have found myself identifying most strongly with Grey-A's. I'm heterosexual (thus far), and I've had enjoyment from sexual activity with women. Where I became horribly uncomfortable was when I attempted to be in  a "real relationship." I have a strong sex  drive, and I regularly take advantage of the bajillion different pornography forms avaiable online. I've been with a prostitute one time--I knew her, but it was still very disconnected emotionally--and I really hate strip clubs. I have also had friends who were just friends, only they were friends with vaginas, and we would periodically get a couple movies and a bunch of chicken wings or pizza, drink sodas or water or whatever, have sweaty monkey sex for an hour or two, then just lie there naked in bed eating wings and watching movies. There  IS an emotional bond, but it's friendship. One of my FWBs ended up dating, and I was admittedly jealous. Not so much because I felt betrayed in some romantic sense, but because i enjoyed hanging out with my friend, and I enjoyed the sex. The friendship remained, but we could no longer have the nights of chicken wings and movies. The sex was fun too, of course, but I didn't miss any sort of intimate relationship. It was a fried food and movie relationship that happened to have the sweaty monkey sex added in.

Even though SA's have normal or high sex drive, I have found the best fit for me beneath the Asexual umbrella, odd as that may sound. I haven't had sex in at least three years, and as far as I know, I may never have sex again. But I have sex drive, and I have porn, and that has served me sufficiently well.

This forum is a great resource, and I  appreciate you for giving me a place to share my story. If it helps anybody, great. If not, at least I've learned somethinng from describing my situation. Self-knowledge is a good thing.

Thank you.

L

Re: Anasexual/Grey

With sexual anorexia, there is not only the inability to develop these intimate connections, but they also don't even attempt to try.

While I'm obviously not the foremost expert in your own life experience, this sounds a lot like a  case of aromantic (aro) status.

If you're interested, we have an Aro forum.

http://suc3qey3jhnjy4vlkezowdrqx5c34hhg … .php?id=35

I've left your post in the original forum, of course, and moving away from anonymous hookups may well indicate more - only you can define you.  You're certainly welcome here, and it definitely looks like you're somewhere on the spectrum - thans for joining and welcome to the board, btw.

Glad to have you here. smile